How to Redefine Success as a Working Mother by Amber Rosenberg July 1, 2008

Are you a “type-A” working mother who used to define yourself by your career? Now that you have kids, do you feel constantly pulled by conflicting priorities? Are you most comfortable and familiar with operating at 110% but juggling work and family has you running at 220%?

One of my clients, whom we’ll call Sarah, is actively working to overcome these challenges. Forty-one years old and a vice president at a publishing house, she appears to have it all: two wonderful children, a loving husband, a rewarding job, a beautiful house and a large nest-egg for retirement.

Yet, despite these outward trappings of success, Sarah feels that she can’t be the professional or the mom that she wants to be and, as a result, she feels guilty for letting others (and herself) down. She worries that both her kids and her work suffer as a result. Exhaustion and stress have started to take a toll on her physical health, emotions and relationships.

Sarah is far from alone. Despite their significant achievements, many outwardly successful working mothers come seeking my services because they feel the same: overwhelmed, guilty and stressed.
So, the question becomes, how do you define success? A fat salary? Being a good mom? Enjoying a loving romantic partnership? Making a difference in the world? An impressive title?

At the end of the day, how you define success is very personal and no two people define it the same way. Below is an exercise to help you get started in defining success on your own terms.

Step One:

Create and draft a compelling vision (best imagined outcome) for your career and life one year from now. Imagine your life is exactly as you’d like it to be. In one or two paragraphs, describe your ideal life.

Also, while there is no right way to do this, I recommend you find a quiet place and do ten minutes of deep breathing before you even start this exercise. It is important for you to give yourself full permission to dream without censoring or trying to figure out how you will achieve your vision.

In order for you to be clear about your vision, it is helpful for you to know what your values are; what’s truly important to you. Clarifying your values will help you discover what’s essential in your life. Values are the intangibles that drive us, inspire us, and energize us. For example, travel is not a value, but it may represent how the values of adventure and learning are expressed. Money is not a value, but it may represent how the value of freedom and a lack of want are expressed.

Here is a partial list of values to help cultivate your vision: accomplishment, beauty, adventure, creativity, family, nature, truthfulness, power, trust, security, challenge, directness, freedom, growth, leadership, service, recognition, partnership, etc. Make sure your vision aligns with your values.
Also, think about how your vision excites you. If it doesn’t scare you a little, or if you already know how to get there, you are probably thinking too small.

Here are a few questions to get you started:

- What will you be doing?

- With whom will you be spending your time?

- How will you show up in the world?

- What will your impact be?

- What will be exciting (engaging, rewarding) about that?

- How does this picture for your career and your life honor your values, and let you lead the type of life you desire?

Step Two:

Briefly describe the personal qualities you will need to bring forth to achieve your vision. (More confident? More focused? More forgiving of yourself?)

Creating your vision will help you define your priorities. Once you know what your priorities are, you’ll be better able to focus on what’s truly important to you. You may even find that you’re able to let go of some of that guilt about not being able to “do it all” or to be “everything to everyone”.

You may learn that you while you used to think you wanted it all, you choose not to have it all at the same time. Or perhaps you will discover that there are certain things that you are just not willing to sacrifice. Or you may learn that you can live more modestly with greater peace of mind. Whatever you discover, I hope you will remember that success is very personal and you’ve taken a great first step in creating a definition of success that fulfills your needs, goals, and dreams.

Working Mothers June 29, 2008

Hey there, Kimberly here. Found this on the net as well. All those who haven’t managed to post anything, please do! Thanks. (:

Moms work an average of 90 hours a week

Working Moms reported spending 44 hours per week at their “work job” and 49.8 hours at their “mom job,” for a total of 93.8 hours per week. The Stay-at-Home Mom works 91.6 hours at her mom job.

Working Moms get less sleep

Working Moms reported getting only 6.4 hours of sleep per night, versus 6.7 for the Stay-at-Home Moms.

Two extra hours that Working Moms devote to two jobs result in two fewer hours of sleep

Both kinds of moms report that the “lower paying” mom role of housekeeper is their most common role.

Working Moms work 7.2 hours as housekeeper, versus 22.1 for Stay at Home Moms

Taken together, the three lowest paying roles of housekeeper, laundry machine operator, and janitor represent 29 percent of the Working Mom’s “mom job,” but as much as 38 percent of the Stay-at-Home Mom’s job, suggesting that Working Moms need assistance with these tasks.

“My house isn’t as clean as I would like and I want to spend more time with my family”

Working Moms and Stay at Home Moms both spend roughly 4 hours per week nurturing the emotional needs of their kids in the “mom job” of psychologist. The big difference appears to be in the “mom job” of day care center teacher, with Stay at Home Moms reporting an average of 15.7 hours per week and Working Moms reporting 7.2 hours per week.

The desire to have time to teach their children prompted write-in responses from Working Moms, who report being more focused and efficient in their day job so they can come home and have more time for their “mom job.”

Often these moms skip lunch, come in early, and give up exercise in order to save time to be with their kids for homework and other activities.

According to one Working Mom, “Work is less important and I have less freedom to attend events and work whenever necessary. I have only certain windows in which I can work. I also have become more of a morning person, so that I can work out, go to work and then be home to see the kids or coach a sport.”

KIM

What is a modern mom? June 24, 2008

Hi all…found this on the net

A modern mom is a someone who embraces the old and new values when it comes to being a mom. By that it means, someone who is not afraid to say she is traditional but willing to embrace what’s new and innovative. Also, someone who can adjust at the last moment’s is certainly one Modern Mom.

Challenges Faced by a Working Mother May 6, 2008

You wake up at 6am and the house is still in darkness. You put on a load of washing as you head into the bathroom for your shower. You are hoping for at least 15 minutes of peace before having to get the kids up, but today is going to be a disappointment. Exactly 5 minutes into your shower your youngest is tugging on the shower curtain demanding breakfast.

You get out of the shower and rush into your bedroom, throwing on the first clean clothes you can find in your wardrobe that will pass for work. You sigh wistfully, remembering the days when you were able to spend half an hour blow drying your hair and applying your faultless makeup to your youthful face. Now the best you can hope for is that your toddler is able to resist the urge to put their greasy, Vegemite toast fingers all over your jacket.

You go through the house like a Sgt Major, rousing your multiple children. After several trips they start to follow you around like a mob of bleating sheep wanting their next meal. So you rush into the kitchen and throw wide the pantry, grabbing down the cereal boxes and in your rush to fill each bowl you spill some on the bench and the floor. Again you sigh, because you really don’t need this little time robber. After all, every morning is tightly time scheduled to ensure that you are not late for work.

You grab the clothes out of the washing machine and stuff them into the basket. You sigh again, more deeply this time, because you know that if you don’t hang them out now you will have to rewash them when you come home and the cycle will start all over again. As you drag the basket out to the back line you are all the time wondering if your children are going to play the game and start to get themselves ready for school.

You hear a wail from inside and look in through the window and there is your 8 year old stealing your toddler’s breakfast. You tap on the window and glower at your 8 year old, who smiles at you innocently. You trudge back over to the line and pick up another item and then there is a wail again. You go back to the window and this time your 8 year old has your toddler’s favorite toy and they are flaunting it in front of the toddler. Your 8 year old still has her pajamas on and doesn’t look like she’s made a move to start getting ready for school.

You get the attention of the other two children you left with their school uniforms and the command, “Get dressed!” Both are sitting in front of the heaterin their pajamas, day dreaming. Suddenly your slow boil escalates to a thunderous bubbling in your ears as you think of how late they are going to make you for work, not to mention themselves for school.

Let’s pause the image right there. It is at this point that you have to ask yourself the questions why? Is earning that little bit of extra money really worth this much stress or is the need to work a symptom of something more desperate within? Are women supposed to work outside of the home or is it a lie we have been fed by a world that is seriously out of control? What is driving women to reduce their lives through stress?

This was the quote of the author, “If you are a working mother, then only you can answer these questions, but I know for me there is a very simple answer. If I want stress I work. If I want personal satisfaction I work. If I want a future for my family that includes a nice house and nice things I work. But if I want a peaceful, calm home, with children that are in order, then I forgo the pleasure of work. For I have learned that I cannot be all things to all people at the same time. Whatever I give the most attention to is what will be the most nurtured in my life. If it’s work, then I will be promoted. If it’s my family then I will be honored and live at peace. It has taken me a long time to realize this. I guess there are no points for being a slow learner, but boy am I glad that I’ve finally woken up to the deception that mums can do both well.”

We now know that working mums are faced with numerous situations and they are supposed to decide between the one that is of higher priority and importance. They have to juggle between work and family which is very tiring. Nowadays, majority of them are too career-minded. Thus they have no time to spend with their family. But this writer strongly feels that mums are actually able to do both of tasks well. It is only a matter of their mind sets and thinking.